In this episode of the DadPOD, I take you with me on a drive where we have a little car ride chat about the three “C’s” of fatherhood. A number of months ago I wrote a multiple piece series blog about this. It was called Dad as Coach (parts 1 & 2), Dad as Counselor and Dad as Consultant. It was my attempt to help you, as a dad, see that your role changes as your children grow which requires you to change the way you parent them.
Too many parents never change the way they approach parenting their children but their children are constantly changing. If you don’t have a plan then you will not be helping them mature in life and be prepared for that bitter sweet day when they leave your nest and begin to develop their own lives built on the things they did (or didn’t) learn while under your parenting.
God has granted us a great responsibility and privilege to invest into the lives of other human beings. We never feel prepared. It’s always a challenge and no two children are alike. That’s what makes parenting so challenging and why I started the DadPad blog and the DadPOD podcast so that we could help each other out along the way. Not only does our role change over time but each child’s uniqueness requires that we even change how we handle each child while maintaing consistency and equality in the way we handle many facets of parenting. Not a job for the squeamish and why, I believe, so many fathers are absent and bail out along the way. But there is no more rewarding thing in this life than making a marriage last despite the differences between a husband and wife and raising up your children and preparing them the best you can, leaving their lives in the hand of an AWESOME God and watch them flap their wings out of the nest and watch them actually fly and chart new territories. It’s incredible.
Take a listen to this weeks episode. I hope you get a glimpse of some of the things that characterize these different roles. Leave a comment below about how you feel in your phase of fatherhood? What challenges are you facing. If you ask a question either in the comments section or via a voicemail, I’ll try to answer it or give it out to other men who read and listen to see if we can indeed increase the brotherhood of fatherhood and begin to encourage and equip each other to be better dads, like we all want to be. Enjoy and let me know what you thought!
CONTEST THROUGH OCTOBER 31: As I stated on my review of the movie, Grace Unplugged, I received some movie merchandise to give away. I’ve got a couple copies of the book, Own It that you can win and a CD Soundtrack of some great music from the movie. How can you win? Just leave a comment about the movie if you saw it, what you liked, didn’t like, etc. by clicking on this title
During this DadPOD Drive By I talk about:
- The challenges and needs of a child during the early years and the role dad plays as a coach.
- Teaching them without much asking is a big part of the coaching phase. They learn consequences and rewards, foundational truths and mostly that they are secure and loved during these early years and nothing that they do will ever cause them to fall out of your love. This is such a critical phase and charts the course for the velocity and vector of their lives.
- Then, they become what we’ve culturally called adolescents. That awkward age between adulthood and childhood. Including those early and mid teen years, this is where they reach puberty and experience the drastic change in how they view the opposite sex, realize their skills and deficiencies and where either of them can take them down a bad path if they are not guided by a loving father. This is when dad is transitioning into the role of the Counselor. Listening and offering advice but asking a lot more questions. Taking the time to let the child explore their feelings and emotions. But, stepping in when errant thinking may take over and helping your child see things from a larger perspective.
- Finally, I share some thoughts about those bitter sweet years when all the effort you’ve put in when they were younger is now about to be exposed as they leave your nest and head off to college, move out after high school to start work or embark on their own journey. This is when you play the role of Consultant. They are the cumulative experience of what they’ve picked up at home and from the world around them for the first 18 yrs. Now, you’ll find out which had more significance in shaping them. There are no guarantees. That’s why one of the most famous biblical verses related to parenting (“train up a child in the way they should go and when they are old they won’t depart from it.” is a Proverb (Prov 22:6, ESV) and NOT a PROMISE. There are too many stories of young men and women who grow up in great homes where dad and mom were present, loving and intentional in their parenting and the child still chose to “sow his or her wild oats.” There is no guaranteeing that just because you do the right things, they’ll turn out the way you’d like. Your odds are much better if you follow God’s plan than the world’s ways in raising children but it’s not a 100% guarantee. Mostly we just need to remember that they were God’s before they were ours. We’re just trying to be faithful to our role and do the best we can to help our children launch well.
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